Today I am 29, and I will be 30 in 4 months. If you had asked me when I was younger where I thought I would be; my life would look very different to a younger me back then.
My plan was to be married by 25, pregnant with my first child by 27, and a successful Graphic Designer.
Ever since I was a little girl I dreamed about getting married. After my parents marriage ended, I knew I still wanted to get married one day, but I knew I NEVER wanted it to end in divorce. I decided that I would never settle and never give up looking for someone who was right for me.
I had to kiss plenty of frogs, or should I say toads, to get there.
So about 1 1/2 years ago I gave up on love. It was New Year’s Eve, and after wasting so much time with selfish, hurtful, and even hateful immature boys, I was ready to give up.
I was tired.
The “Back-up Plan” started to seem like me getting a turkey baster and a sperm donor to get what I really wanted. Someone to love me for who I was, and someone I could trust.
Then it all changed.
A tall, dark, and handsome man came up to me and kissed me out of nowhere; on the very same New Year’s Eve night I gave up on that thing called love. That man turned out to be the most amazing man I have ever known.
He was kind, loyal, responsible, and most of all…the most honest person I have ever met. Of course my heart still had some repairs to be made, and so did his. I fell in love with this man, and eventually his two children as well.
Now we are planning a wedding for this December. This December I get to marry the love of my life and grow old with him and maybe even have a baby of our own.
Yet, there is a constant pull on our relationship.
It’s not the kids, they are amazing. And when we have them, they are our priority. We’ve already done Disney World this year, along with many boat rides, beach trips, family dinners, movies, and of course Birthday parties.
This pull comes from the dreaded “Step Mom/Other Woman” mentality that still seems to be in this world.
I am not the other woman. I was not looking to take anyone away. Please don’t blame me for something that was already broken and had no chance of being fixed. Divorce is sadly more common today than ever, yet still there is so much hatred and mistrust of this other woman taking care of your children.
When you end a marriage with someone and it involves kids, the ones who get hurt the most are the kids. I know this first hand. I lived it. I pray that I never have to put my own children through that.
I didn’t wake up one day and choose this life. I didn’t dream as a little girl of falling in love with a man who had already done it all. We can’t help who we fall in love with. And we can’t change how other people think about us. All I can do is love those kids, my future husband, family and true friends, and go on with my life.
And if you are reading this, and plan to sabotage our life or cause more drama, please just worry about your own life and move on. I pray that you find the happiness you deserve one day and others don’t pull at it the way you have pulled at ours.
Sorry for the long post, but I just had to get that off my chest. I am very hurt that someone I thought was close to me, has turned out to be not what I thought they were. I guess that’s life.
So yes, I’m a step-mom in training. I will make mistakes. I will hopefully do some good as well.
“A stepmother might have to rise above a little more than everyone else to make everything go smoothly and for everyone to feel comfortable. It’s one of the nicest gifts they could give.”
– Elizabeth Howell